My mind is a festering nexus of confusion. It swirls with emotions that I can't fragment into parts. I should probably just stop being so self centered and focus my energies on loving others, and on meditation, physical exercise, and writing tomes on faith and knowledge... and on justice, and purity. Instead, my energies are directed in other directions. Mostly to music and the writing of things that don't exist. But I'm finding some comfort in those things, for now.

When it get so black all around you that you feel like a speck of ash without purpose, or value, you can always sing. "This big bad world is gonna gobble you up, gonna gobble you up, gonna gobble you up..." Then maybe you can laugh in spite of yourself, raise your middle finger proud, and sometimes even find your way out of it. Do I have problems? Yeah. Probably. Sometimes I think I should be taking medicine or something. But that sounds... weak. It also sounds like an excuse. If I listed all the things that are wrong with me, I'd probably start to feel all special and unique and tortured. That's for emo rockers, or girls on xanga who shop at hot topic... and the birds. But maybe I'm just a dick.

I'm gonna go on a trip to Kentucky. I think that'll help.

Anyway. All this is to say that I've been feeling my mental state is rather flexible, lately. Probably just stress though. So here's the story: Hopefully I can put some stuff together. But, then again, I never really have in the past, so...

Previously the only force strong enough to galvinize me toward any real change has been extreme trauma. If that isn't a trend I can change it'll probably be the end of me, someday.

Next time I post, it will be big. Get ready.